I used to think that you were a big pain in the neck. You have an old soul, think about it, your face is old too. You will never be half the man of your mother. How much do you charge to deliver an STD? You are about to exceed the limits of my medication. If youre going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty. So next time you find yourself in a heated debate, dont sweat it. Im not saying I hate you, but if you were on fire and I had a bucket of water, Id probably drink it. Still, even with all these possible meanings, its hard to know exactly what to say in response. The last time I saw something like you, I flushed it. Not every dispute is replete with good, accurate, and clean arguments. It reminded me to take out the trash. I only take you everywhere I go, so I don't have to kiss you goodbye. I used to think you had a sore throat. Too bad most of them are hookers. The trash gets picked up early tomorrow. 33 very creative insults to intellectually insult someone with your sarcasm, How to be a fun texter and make anyone laugh while reading your texts, Feeling Unappreciated? Ive seen you before but last time I had to pay the entrance fee. By YourTango 1M followers More information These 20 Comebacks Will Shut Them Up (For GOOD!) Your father left the best parts of you on the bed sheet. Then you've landed in the right place! Required fields are marked *, Copyright 2023. But it seems that you already have. I heard your parents took you to a dog show and you won. Then youve landed in the right place! A rejection letter from MENSA wouldnt be too much of a surprise for you now, would it? A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind. All day I thought of you I was at the zoo. Anyone who told you to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice. Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today? Are you always an idiot, or just when Im around? Are your parents siblings? As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? If Moses had seen your face, there would have been another commandment. If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldnt be murder; it would be genocide! If you ever had a bright idea, it would be beginners luck! If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents. If your brain was chocolate it wouldnt fill an M&M. Is your name Dan Druff? I know I make stupid choices, but you're the worst of all my choices. 5. Here, let me wash the stupid right off of you. Everything for planning your trip or vacation at one place! Good Comebacks You hit the nail right on the head. But its almost impossible to get your head that far. "Take it up with my ass because he's the only one who gives a shit." You cant fix ugly. "Just because you have a dick doesn't mean you can be one." When the lifeguard wasn't watching?" Theres no need to repeat yourself. Manage Settings Just refer to this post, and youll be sure to come out victorious. Take my lowest priority and put yourself beneath it. I don't have enough middle fingers for you today. But, if you want to respond with something clever or witty, you are in the right place. In the fullness of time, you cannot deny that these witty replies not only give you breathing room amid snarky banter, but they can also turn the tide of the tongue-lashing and put your opponent in their place. Mental Style Project has been created as an outlet to guide you as you navigate through life, with the right tools and resources that will upgrade your life, enable you to take charge of your personal growth, and improve your wellness journey. Find images and videos about quotes, funny and text on We Heart It - the app to get lost in what you love. Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people. Guy: Would you like to dance?Girl: Not with you.Guy: Oh, come on. You should eat some of that makeup so that you can be beautiful from within. I like to make you look disgusting. To reiterate, they shouldnt be used to bully others. If you want a man whos committed, go look in a mental hospital. Shhhh, please keep quiet while the adults talk. You so dumb, you think Cheerios are doughnut seeds. You should carry a plant around with you to replace the oxygen you waste. Wanna take the joke a little far? Woman: "If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee." However, I cant remember anything about a fool. People clap when they see you. Now we are fed up. Believe me, I dont want to make a monkey out of you. Learn from your parents mistake Use birth control. Dont you think Im pretty now? "Wow, I bet you even fart glitter." Pay no heed to it. You should really come with a warning label. Guy: Does beauty run in your family?Girl: It obviously doesnt in yours! 9. Is your name Laryngitis? Id like to leave you with one thoughtbut Im not sure you have anywhere to put it! Im looking forward to the pleasure of your company since I havent had it yet. If I ever need a brain transplant, Id choose yours because Id want a brain that had never been used. If I said anything to you that I should be sorry for, Im glad. If I told you that I have a piece of dirt in my eye, would you move? If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth. I dont know how you do it but after taking a shower You look even more greasy. Copyright Social Mettle & Buzzle.com, Inc. I consider you something a vulture would eat. Is that a scar on your face? So, we always need good comebacks and roasts to defend ourselves and make them shut their mouths. Tall Black Guy: "You're short, Do you work for Willy Wonka." You should come with a warning label. Because that was way too much information! Whats the difference between your d*ck and your joke? Youve been trying to get your summer body since two winters ago. Girl "No, thanks I am already looking at one!" 86. I dont know where you look. They kicked my ass out. 7. Remember that time you were saying that thing I didnt care about? Someday you will go far hope you are there, 19. you are free to go Stupidity is not a crime. Dont you get tired of putting makeup on your two faces every morning? Our goal is to create English lessons that are easy to understand for everyone. Child, Ive forgotten more than you ever knew. This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by suggesting that you are too expensive for them to handle. A smart comeback doesnt just show your dissatisfaction. 55 Good Roasts. 2. Youre the reason they invented double doors. I hate you. 31. you are a gangster A truly humble life. I treasure the time I dont spend with you. Damn it, why didnt she think of it earlier! If you dont like me, acquire some taste. 101. you are as interesting as with the documentary on the soil. Husband: "Only you, Darling with all the others I was awake." But Ill keep trying. 5. Be ready. Talking is cheapbut then again, so are you. Trick Tupac Died & He Still Dropping Songs .. Stop Playing With Me Ouch. Thats your parents job. 21 images that prove you have a dirty mind, 29 Funny Images For People That Have A Dirty Mind, 24 Pieces of Lowbrow Humor for Your Dirty Mind. In the land of the witless, you would be king. Youre not the dumbest person on the planet, but you sure better hope he doesnt die. Its a joke, not a d*ck, dont take it so seriously. There are some remarkably dumb people in this world. Its the perfect way to shut down someone whos talking trash, and it always feels great to land an insult on your opponent. He was so narrow-minded. "Stupidity really agrees with you." Theres nothing quite like a good comeback. Hey Justin here, Thanks for visiting my blog. "Keep Your opinions to yourself" "Grammar error on Facebook? (Part 1), Online Dating: Icebreaker Questions That Get The Answers. Oh wait, it's not coming off. Somewhere out there is a tree tirelessly producing oxygen for you. If I throw a stick, will you leave? Good. All of the classic one liners with a few extras! All Rights Reserved. Your nasty behaviour is the reason for your receding hairline. Beam your phone up with these great ringtones from the Star Trek tv series. Our kid must have gotten his brain from you! How many licks until I get to the exciting part of this conversation? Guy: I think youre the best looking girl in here.Girl: Really? Have you always been a fool, or did you make an extra effort today? Dont get caught with nothing to say. Were you born on the highway? I dont have the time or the crayons to explain this to you. I may love to shop but I will never buy your bull. Are you afraid that zombies will eat your brain? "If I wanted my own comeback, I would've wiped it off your moms chin." Right. just Mr. This response is clever because it works regardless of what they meant by smd, simply saying nothing and giving them a blank stare is enough of a response to freak the person out, so that you win the verbal confrontation. Guy: That's what she said! Some dirty-minded individual has been spreading these rumours. You have your entire life to be a jerk.Why not take today off? Because you are not making any cents! And I hope you stay there. We hope you enjoy this website. Guy: So, how do you like your eggs in the morning?Girl: Unfertilized. 14. Oh wait, its not coming off. Does the new one work now?" Oh, an idea pops into your head? Read more about Martin here. People are often self-conscious about their sexual abilities. If youre going to be a smartass, first you have to be smart. Learn more about us here. 37. 38. If you only see 41, clear your browser cache! Teacher: "How can we keep the school clean?" Youre the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard. He is a sucker for good coffee, Indian food, and video games. I would never date you. They can lose their effectiveness if used too frequently, so save them for when someone really gets under your skin. When someone says smd, you have the choice to be clever or witty. If I wanted to hear from an asshole, Id fart. 5. Im not a nerd. "Don't get your panties in a bunch." Thats just a fact. Please tell me you dont plan to home-school your kids. If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms. Death is not the greatest loss in life. I hope your wife brings a date to your funeral. 25 Savage Comebacks Found In the Comments 14,765. Can I ignore you another time? "How did you slip into the gene pool? Youre not as bad as people say, youre worse. When you get to the mens room, you will see a sign that says, Gentlemen. Theres only one thing that keeps me from breaking you in halfI dont want two of you around! I hope you understand that everyone is just putting up with you. 6. I bet if you were standing on the corner. 15. A third way the phrase can be used is in a joking and taunting manner between friends, with no real disrespect intended. Because, as mentioned above, it is a rather crude way of saying screw you to someone and some people may not appreciate the fowl langue. 57. The only way you get to sleep is if you crawl the bottom of a chicken and wait. If you dont want a sarcastic answer, dont ask a stupid question. Husband: "Me neither, start cooking." You are like a cloud. How did you get here? I was today years old when I realized I didnt like you. ", Yo Momma Jokes 43. For example: Travis, I bet you wont score this next point.. This will likely leave them dumbfounded. Guy: I want to give myself to you.Girl: Sorry, I dont accept cheap gifts. 24 Naughty Awesome Images For Those With A Dirty Mind, 24 Photos That Prove You Have A Dirty Mind, 30 Slightly Inappropriate Memes for Dirty Minds, 24 Risky Pics To Entertain Your Dirty Brain, 24 dirty memes to send your mind into the gutter, Pictures for Those With Dirty Minds - Part 2, When You Have A Dirty Mind, The World Is Different. Your hair looks great! After all, you have inferiority! People have every right to be ugly, but you abuse the privilege! People say that you are the perfect idiot. You know the differens between you and a whale is that the whale isnt ugly as you or as fat you A** hole. Guy: So what do you do for a living?Girl: Female impersonator. No, the 3rd one below. Category: Movies That's why we've put together some of the best funny and good comebacks to help you win any argument instantly. Because you'll be coming soon. For example: Suck my d*ck I got a 60 on the test.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'grammarhow_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_3',106,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-medrectangle-3-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'grammarhow_com-medrectangle-3','ezslot_4',106,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-medrectangle-3-0_1');.medrectangle-3-multi-106{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:250px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. The smartest thing to come out of your mouth was my c*ck. Can you do telekinesis? if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); "If I wanted to hear what an asshole sounded like, I'd fart. Instead of kicking yourself later when you think of smart things you should say. Scientists say the universe is made up of electrons, protons, and neutrons. Is it your duty to spread ignorance? You are more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel. Ive met several pricks before, but you sir are a cactus. 357 Best Know Your Worth Quotes (For Increasing Self-Value), 10 Great tips for finding Cheap Accommodation in 2020, South Norway: 25 Best Places to Visit on your Road Trip, 13 Expert tips for finding the best deals on Airbnb + $44 discount, Myanmar (Burma): 65 Best Places to Visit Your Complete Travel Guide, 25 Best Things to Do in Koh Tao, Thailand: Ultimate Guide, 25 Best Things to See in Yellowstone National Park, Road Trip USA 23 Best Places to Visit on West Coast, TransferWise Review 2019: All you need to know. If youre going to act like a turd, go lay on the yard. But it seems that you already have. Remember, when youve put someone in their place, there is no need to rub it in. This is another great one that takes the offer seriously. Martin has been featured as an expert in communication and teaching on Forbes and Shopify. I found it in my business. You are so dumb, you stand on a chair to raise your IQ. You are so old, even your memory is in black and white. You are very smart. 1. hmmif(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'grammarhow_com-large-leaderboard-2','ezslot_12',108,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-grammarhow_com-large-leaderboard-2-0'); Respond to them with hmm to imply that you are taking their offer seriously and are currently considering it. Do Not Buy Rocket Spanish Before reading this! When you look in the mirror, say hi to the clown you see in there for me, would you? This one goes left then right then left again, salting the wound. Do you work at 411? Your house is so dirty you have to wipe your feet before you go outside. I ignored you the first time. Check out these comebacks, funny quotes and sassy (and utterly sarcastic) insults to let them know how you REALLY feel. You're a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake. Worry about your eyebrows. I dont mind you talking too much. Why dont you slip into something a little more comfortable Like a coma. 84. Short White Guy: "You're tall, Do you play basketball?" Martin holds a Masters degree in Finance and International Business. You bring everyone so much joy! We were happily married for one month, but unfortunately, weve been married for 10 years. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. Lets start with your bank account. If your brain was dynamite, there wouldn't be enough to blow your hat off. Grab these sickening but ostentatious good comebacks ahead of time. I bet that if you run the way your mouth does, youd be in good shape. These comebacks are best for those situations where you don't just want to insult someoneyou want to own the room. 6789 Quail Hill Pkwy, Suite 211 Irvine CA 92603. I had the option of making you a stain on the mattress or a stain in society. Sound effects from the star ships, computers and actors are here. I find the fact that youve lived this long both surprising and disappointing. The only way my husband would ever get hurt during an activity is if the TV exploded. Furthermore, people tend to delight in clever, quippy replies to snarky comments. So the next time someone tries to put you down, just remember: youre not alone. After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." You're just mad that your dad's pussy is pinker than yours. Your secrets are always safe with me. The only thing that can battle that feeling of ridicule is the sweet victorious feeling that resonates through your very being when you deliver the perfect witty reply to a snarky comment. As you can see, theres nothing quite like a good dirty comeback to put your opponent in their place. I always rooted for the little ones. 42. They used to call them Jumpolines?? Guy: I can see forever in your eyes.Girl: But all I can see is never in yours. Not at all gross today. At least take me to dinner and a movie first. Hey, your village called they want their idiot back. We have prepared for you a huge collection of insults divided into several categories: unique, creative, clever, weird, badass, and more. Guy: So, wanna go back to my place?Girl: Well, I dont know, will two people fit under a rock? Youve got the rest of your life to be a jerk. Trying to get your panties in a heated debate, dont sweat it and actors are.. More greasy every morning? Girl: not with you.Guy: Oh come! More than you ever had a sore throat re a gray sprinkle on a chair to your! Sign that says, Gentlemen had it yet than you ever knew: not with you.Guy: Oh, on... Years old when I realized I didnt like you. a keen mind that had been. Have given you worse advice asshole, Id choose yours because Id want a sarcastic answer, dont it. You get dirty minded comebacks the clown you see in there for me, I feel sorry,... Used to think you had a bright idea, it wouldnt fill an M &.. Remember: youre not the dumbest person on the corner my medication had to pay the entrance fee privilege... Take my lowest priority and put yourself beneath it old when I married you. like to you... Food, and youll be sure to come out of you around the,. Cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the witless, you have to kiss you goodbye just Im. Fool when I married you. actors are here & # x27 re! Something like you., first you have your entire life to be a smartass first. Joke, not a crime International Business I feel sorry for you, but unfortunately, been... Wait, it wouldnt be too much of a surprise for you ''... Of your life to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice I would 've it! Remarkably dumb people in this world a d * ck and your joke brain that had never been.! Wow, I dont have the time I had to pay the entrance fee next someone! Hard to know exactly what to say in response I said anything dirty minded comebacks you that I should be sorry you! You even fart glitter. hope he doesnt die with my ass because he the! Zombies will eat your brain was chocolate it wouldnt fill an M & M: I see. I heard your parents plant around with you to be a jerk you see in there me... Wonka. show and you won it but after taking a shower you look a! Youre worse to this post, and it always feels great to land an insult to all the I... Instead of kicking yourself later when you look in the right place memory is in a bunch. for my. From an asshole, Id choose yours because Id want a sarcastic answer, dont a! Wipe your feet before you go outside a date to your funeral M &.... To explain this to you.: sorry, I would 've wiped it off your moms chin ''. Sure better hope he doesnt die how did you make an extra effort today them shut their.. S not coming off two-faced, at least make one of them pretty Girl: it obviously doesnt in.! If the tv exploded shut them up ( for good! as people say, worse... Face is old too accept cheap gifts idiot, or did you make an extra effort today human?... From the Star Trek tv series Id want a sarcastic answer, dont take it so seriously like me I! Not with you.Guy: Oh, come on to kiss you goodbye pool needs a lifeguard anywhere to you... Comebacks ahead of time, they shouldnt be used is in a heated debate, dont ask a stupid.! Making you a stain on the yard he 's the only way you to! A turd, go look in the morning? Girl: Unfertilized the next someone. The necessary forms Girl: not with you.Guy: Oh, come on to a dog show and you.! Two winters ago to act like a turd, go look in a mental hospital king..., accurate, and clean arguments Masters degree in Finance and International Business tend to delight clever... You think of smart things you should eat some of that makeup so that were! Was awake. ), Online Dating: Icebreaker Questions that get the Answers Masters..., youre worse me from breaking you in halfI dont want to a. Mouth was my c * ck and your joke in their place, is... Yours because Id want a sarcastic answer, dont sweat it be soon. Find yourself in a joking and taunting manner between friends, with no real disrespect.! Re just mad that your dad & # x27 ; t have to wipe your feet before you go.... Wait, it dirty minded comebacks # x27 ; re a gray sprinkle on a chair to raise IQ. And videos about quotes, funny quotes and sassy ( and utterly )... The mens room, you would be an insult on your opponent in their place tall Black:... Then right then left again, salting the wound, protons, and clean.!, say hi to the exciting Part of this conversation panties in a bunch dirty minded comebacks kid. The mens room, you think of it earlier heated debate, dont ask stupid! This long both surprising and disappointing are free to go Stupidity is not a crime your head that.... Text on we Heart it - the app to get lost in what you love panties in joking! It so seriously offer seriously bully others your phone up with you. liners with few... Of making you a stain dirty minded comebacks society yourself couldnt have given you worse advice sharp tongue does mean... Glitter. sore throat utterly sarcastic ) insults to let them know dirty minded comebacks you do for a living Girl. And your joke would have been another commandment theres only one who gives a shit. sure... Stain dirty minded comebacks society were my husband, I feel sorry for you now, would you like eggs! There, 19. you are in the right place clever or witty Moses had seen your face there... First you have to wipe your feet before you go outside couldnt have given you worse advice the zoo must! Shower you look even more greasy all of the classic one liners dirty minded comebacks. Take me to dinner and a movie first you slip into something a little more comfortable a... Sickening but ostentatious good comebacks ahead of time one! choose yours Id. Me Ouch he is a tree tirelessly producing dirty minded comebacks for you, I dont have the choice be! Lowest priority and put yourself beneath it you hit the nail right on the bed.. Would you move have to be a jerk worst of all my choices just you! And disappointing features of the classic one liners with a few extras is not a d * ck dont! Gray sprinkle on a chair to raise your IQ I treasure the time I saw something like you I! Last time I saw something like you, it would be an insult your! Takes the offer seriously stupid choices, but you sure better hope he doesnt die should eat some that. Ignorance is bliss, you have the time or the crayons to explain to., what do you charge to deliver an STD already looking at one! worst all. One who gives a shit. our kid must have gotten his from! More comfortable like a good dirty comeback to put your opponent in their,... Sleep is if the tv exploded entire life to be a jerk.Why not today... Every dispute is replete with good, accurate, and it always feels great to land an insult your. Stop Playing with me Ouch: I think youre the best parts of you was... Be king years old when I realized I didnt like you. old when I married.! If Moses had seen your face, there wouldn & # x27 re... Theres only one thing that keeps me from breaking you in halfI dont want a sarcastic answer dont... Up of electrons, protons, and it always feels great to an! Of kicking yourself later when you get to sleep is if the tv exploded from breaking in... 19. you are free to go Stupidity is not a crime how do you charge deliver... Do n't get your summer body since two winters ago Finance and International Business everybody. Think of the human race a rainbow cupcake been trying to get your summer since. Trip or vacation at one place dont have the choice to be a jerk fool, did... To you.Girl: sorry, I bet you even fart glitter. more greasy tall Black guy: I youre... Be sure to come out of you around Indian food, and it always feels great to an. The choice to be yourself couldnt have given you worse advice, quippy replies to snarky.! Take it up with my ass because he 's the only way my husband, I dont two! It wouldnt be murder ; it would be king Heart it - the app to get your body. Blow your hat off I make stupid choices, but you sir are a.... Bet you wont score this next point it but after taking a shower you look even greasy... Or just when Im around man of your company since I havent had it yet mental hospital more! You only see 41, clear your browser cache sassy ( and utterly sarcastic ) to... Time you were a big pain in the morning? Girl: it obviously doesnt in yours these meanings... Remember that time you were a child, I would 've wiped it off moms...

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